The reunion

Yesterday I returned for the first time to Las Delicias. It has only been 6 months since I have been in the community but it felt like years.

We went for a mass in the library to celebrate the projects of the organization in the community (FUDESCA). A Maryknoll priest who was saying mass picked us up from the entrance to the commuity. He is an older man who has been in and out of El Salvador for the past 40 years. He makes frequent trips to Guatemala so I think Jake and I can hitch a ride with him at some point.

As we slowly drove the bumpy road up to Las Delicias, I could feel my heart pounding and my hands began to sweat. I didn’t know who or what to expect once we arrived. I was sitting in the front seat and as we pulled in a little girl that I know quite well saw me and quickly ran inside the library. I stepped out of the car to feel the immense heat that is always present in the community. I slowly walked inside holding my breath. Ana Ruth, the little girl’s mom, was sweeping the floor and looked up to see me standing in the doorway. She broke into a huge grin and wrapped me in her arms with a great force. Tears sprang into my eyes and I allowed a few to drop. I felt my heart fill with joy as more people kept arriving. Each excited to see me again.

Cristina began showing me the new projects. There is now a chicken coop, a computer lab, more trees and artisan classes. We were admiring the beautiful earrings and bracelets that the students had made when I glanced up to see Dinora sauntering up the small hill at the entrance to the library. I felt my heart jump and began to walk towards her. Her back was turned to me until I had just about arrived to where she was standing. She saw me and embraced me as if we hadn’t seen each other in years. She asked me questions but began ragging on me the first chance she got.

I stayed close to Dinora all morning and she made sure I knew I was supposed to be following her. A sense of peace washed over me as I slipped right back into my place in the community. I couldn’t keep from smiling all day, knowing this is where I am supposed to be right now. 

Safe and sound

I have finally arrived in El Salvador. After a very very long day of travelling or more like waiting.

I stepped off the plane and felt the humidity engulf me and the smell of El Salvador fill my nose. I felt my worries and anxieties melt away and knew I would be okay. As I was walking through the airport, the power suddenly shut off and I knew I had officially arrived. Cristina (the woman I am living with) was there to pick me up. It was so wonderful to see her again and we seemed to pick up where we had left off. I found out the library in Las Delicias FINALLY received the computer donations from Spain. So they now have 13 computers for the students to use. Hopefully we can use these so the students can upload their photos.

My Spanish seemed to come back talking with Cristina as we drove the familiar route to her home. She is working today so I am hanging out in her home, waiting for another woman, Sara to come hang out with me. I think the down time is going to be challenging for me. I am alone with all my thoughts and worries, trying to find the peace and calm within. But in 10 days my brother Jake will be joining me. We will be working, living and spending every moment together. I am so excited for him to come and experience El Salvador with all its beauty and pain. I know I couldn´t be taking on this journey without him.

So I am here, I am safe and I am excited.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in yours sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

The descent

This is a poem that I wrote last night as we came into San Salvador:

Here we go
the time has come
the plane begins it's descent and my heart begins to soar
She will be there
waiting, waiting to bring me back to her home
But how could this be so?
Am I really going to return?
I feel my stomach touch my throat
I think I might choke
choke from the stress pressure and pain
choke like a folk who ain't got a bloke
But I can feel it
feel their love, prayers and thoughts
holding me, guiding me, pushing me
I am never truly alone
They are always here and will be eagerly awaiting my return
This is where I need to be
It's going to be tough, challenging and painful
so be gentle with yourself
You are going to do great, its just going to take time
time to remember, time to understand,
time to find your love burried deep in the sand,
time to find the words,
time to dry the tears,
time to find the happiness that extends from ear to ear.
So give yourself time
Hold the pain and struggle
Know it will get better,
let the tears rock you to sleep
But don't let the pain run too deep
Here we go
The ground getting closer, the people getting realer
Breathe, stress, shake and let it go
Accpet the uncertainty and just open your heart

It's time again

Well folks, as most of you know I am returning to El Salvador. In a matter of hours in fact. This time I am working with the community of Las Delicias to help promote nonviolence. The reality is, this new adventure is pretty unknown. I have some ideas of how parts of it will work but in the end I am entering 8 weeks of uncertainty. A part of me is quite excited to be beginning such a new journey but another part is rather nervous for what the next 8 weeks hold. But I am trying to find a way to accept this uncertainty because as my wise neighbor Kiki said, we all need uncertainty in life because that is what keeps it interesting.

I have received an overwhelming amount of support from family and friends to take such a great leap in my life. It feels like just yesterday that I couldn't make it through a night at a friend's house and now I am going to El Salvador on my own. But I do not feel that I am completely on my own. I know I have so much love supporting and holding me through this new experience. I know this wouldn't be possible without that.

As I prepare to depart, know that I am holding you, my dear family and friends, in my heart. A part of me aches to be leaving you again but I know you will be here, with arms spread wide to welcome me home again.

The Final Days

Monday was our second to last day of praxis and as I said before things just keep getting better in Las Delicias everyday. Monday was one of the best days.

Cristina and some of Dinoras daughters spent the morning with us. I helped two of Dinora’s daughters create email accounts so they can communicate with the women who will be giving them scholarships for high school and the university. It was really fun teaching them how to use email and also so wonderful to know we will have a way to communicate with Dinora and her family once I leave.

In the afternoon we were doing some painting with Ruth(a women we spend a lot of time with in the library)’s daughters. We decided to make a tree out of all our hand prints and the girls were loving it. We convinced Dinora and Ruth (40 year old women) to join in and so they painted their hands and added to the tree. We stood around looking at our work of art when Katherine, who is in 7th grade, turned to me and said “you should paint your face”. My initial reaction was no way since Dinora and Ruth were there and I felt I might get in trouble. But then she said it again and I couldn’t resist. I lifted my hand and placed it on my face and let out a scream. The girls and women went crazy. They couldn’t believe I actually did it. I turned to Dinora and said “te toca” (it’s your turn). She slowly backed away so I quick grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her closer to me. I felt my heart flutter as I raised my hand and the thought that she might be mad passed through my head but it passed quickly as I lovingly placed my green and red hand to her face. She doubled over in laughter and was just as shocked as I was that I actually did it.

Hands passed from face to face as bright colors filled the faces of every person in the room. It was a moment of pure love and joy that I will never forget. I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend so much time in Las Delicias. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would fall in love with so many beautiful women and children in a small canton in El Salvador.

We had our final day of praxis yesterday and it was a good but hard day. When we arrived they had decorated the library with bright streamers and balloons. We made pupusas with the 3 women who I have become closet with and had a wonderful morning joking around. We shared a final lunch and I remember looking around at each women who had dedicated so much time to my experience and I know I will never be able to thank them enough.

Kids and families started arriving around 1:30 for the despedida (the going away party). We all sat in a circle and played a few games. Then Cristina said some nice things about us and we responded with our own words of thanks. The 3 women, Dinora, Ruth and Isabel whom I have come to love, each spoke about our time with them and what it means for them to have us leaving. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and brought tears streaming down my face as I felt my heart aching, never wanting to leave them.

The party continued with cake and a piñata. The party calmed down as people began leaving and we were presented with amazing gifts and cards. We hung out a while more and I started dishes with Ruth, Dinora and Katherine when we were told the bus had arrived for us to leave. I resisted as long as I could be eventually we had to walk to the front where the bus was waiting. My whole body was telling me to stop walking but that one logical part of my brain made me put one foot in front of the other. I started hugging and saying good-bye and felt my heart breaking. It hurt so much to feel like I was abandoning my new family. Everyone was crying as I had to pull myself away to get on the bus. I remember turning around at the last second and see them standing in a group with tears falling from each face and my heart broke again. All of them will be coming to the final despedida on Sunday so I can’t even imagine how difficult that day will be.

The people of Las Delicias have changed me forever. They have filled my heart more full than I thought it could be. The end is so painful but I guess that means we have loved each other fully. I will never forget these incredible people and they will always have a special place in my heart.

It has been some time since I have had a chance to update. Things have been pretty busy and are getting crazy as I only have 2 weeks left in El Salvador.

Lately Las Delicias has been amazing. As we only have two days left in Las Delicias, everyone is pouring everything into every day and making our time here so incredible. A few weeks ago we went to praxis and Dinora told us how she has never felt closer to a group than us. She proceeded to explain how she had a dream with us in it, which she said has never happened. We talk every day about how we are going to miss each other and how she is so sad to think of us leaving. Dinora has become such an important person in my life and feels like a new family member.

I cannot quite explain what has been so wonderful in Las Delicias, but each day has been filled with so much love and joy. I can’t imagine not being apart of the community, as I feel completely immersed. The thought of leaving scares me and I think it will be one of the hardest things to do. But for now I am trying to be fully present in every moment and give everything I can to continue to deepen my relationships here.

My dad came last week for Thanksgiving and just left yesterday. He was able to be in Las Delicias and better understand my life here. We took some great bus adventures and saw a lot of the city (not on purpose). I am so thankful he was able to come but even more I am so thankful my dad is who he is. He just mixed right in and his “manera de ser” (his way of being) is just incredible. Especially after seeing other familial interaction with students here, I realized how lucky I am to have a father like him. Unfortunately my mom was not able to make it back. I so wished she could have been here especially as she is so important to me. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful family and they are the biggest thing I look forward to when I think of leaving my life here. I know it will be hard to leave but with such a wonderful family it will be so much easier.

Here are some recent pictures from Las Delicias. I have been giving my camera to the kids lately and they have been taken some incredible pictures. Many of these are their pictures that I am excited to share with you.

Me with Dinora's granddaughter of 2 months

UCA Vigil

Last weekend we celebrated the lives of the Jesuits who were brutally murdered during the civil war. There were festivities starting at 8 in the morning on Saturday and finished on Sunday at 2 in the morning. It was quite an incredible experience.

While I was in Las Flores for campo week, I spent quite a bit of time with Chata. She is 21 years old and studying tourism in the town near her home. Part of the vigil includes a soccer tournament and she is a very good soccer player so she came down to play. It was great because she came on Friday and spent the night so I got to spend a lot of time with her.

On Saturday morning the soccer tournament started. We had enough women playing that we formed 2 teams just from our community. Unfortunately there were only 5 women teams in the tournament so we didn’t get to play as much as I would have like to but it was still fun. My team won our first game in penalty kicks (many games ended this way as the games were only 15 minutes long). Since there were only 5 teams, our team had a bye that put us into the championship game. It was great because our second team also made it into the championship! It was one of the most fun games of soccer I have played. Luckily my team won and took home the first place trophy.

While we were playing soccer, other people in our community were making alfombras (rugs). They are essentially pictures made out of salt that were put in the road on the University campus. There were about 20 different ones from many groups of people. The idea is you spend all day making this beautiful creation that represents something more, such as justice or solidarity. Then later in the evening there is a procession of people and you walk over them, running the pictures together.

A big part of the vigil is the procession that takes place in the evening. There are thousands of people who gather to remember the martyrs but the gathering also represents the continuing fight for justice and human rights. Everyone takes a candle and we process throughout the campus and a bit of the surrounding community. The procession ends in a large parking lot where mass is held by the UCA rector. The UCA rector is a Jesuit who has a relationship with our community so he has said mass for just our community before. Because of this the mass felt more powerful as I felt a connection to him.

His homily was anything from a safe typical homily. He named many of the social problems present in Salvadoran society. He was not afraid to call out politicians and the government, as they have not been trying to fix the situation in fact they have been making it worse. It seemed people really took to his words as there were clapping and cheering at points in his homily. Personally I found his homily to be extremely powerful. He began with the problems and did not hold back. It was overwhelming at first to just hear all the things that need work, I just felt helpless and powerless to the problems. As he continued to talk, he pointed to examples of hope and to people who have been instrumental in creating change. It was inspiring to hear about the people who are continuing to create change and to see so many other people dedicated to social change. I remember feeling energized to work that much harder and to dedicate my life to improve our world.

The night continued with music and dancing. The Salvadoran student who lives with me, Tomás, is an incredible musician. He started off the night and then also preformed with one of his groups, Trova. I will try and post a video but I am not sure that it will work.

Unfortunately as the dancing got started I had to say good-bye again to Chata and her sisters, Leidi and Chicki (who had come down later in the day). It turned out to be a lot more difficult than I was expecting. I felt so close to Chata, especially as I had spent the last day and a half with her, and I just did not want our time together to end. As I was saying good-bye to Leidi, she took her ring off her finger and placed it onto mine. I could feel my heart fill up with love and pain. It was such a beautiful moment with her and I will never forget it. I remember standing on the sidewalk, waving as the bus took my friends back home. A few tears rolled down my cheek knowing I may not see them again but also tears of joy for the time I was able to spend with them.

It is just the beginning of the good-bye process as I only have a month left in El Salvador. I am so scared to say good-bye to the people I have come to love. But I have learned so much from them and I know I need to continue the love they have given me. So for now I will enjoy ever moment I have left.

Our alfombra

Tomás' concert

Tomás

Leidi and I

Chata, Katherine and I before saying good-bye