The Final Days

Monday was our second to last day of praxis and as I said before things just keep getting better in Las Delicias everyday. Monday was one of the best days.

Cristina and some of Dinoras daughters spent the morning with us. I helped two of Dinora’s daughters create email accounts so they can communicate with the women who will be giving them scholarships for high school and the university. It was really fun teaching them how to use email and also so wonderful to know we will have a way to communicate with Dinora and her family once I leave.

In the afternoon we were doing some painting with Ruth(a women we spend a lot of time with in the library)’s daughters. We decided to make a tree out of all our hand prints and the girls were loving it. We convinced Dinora and Ruth (40 year old women) to join in and so they painted their hands and added to the tree. We stood around looking at our work of art when Katherine, who is in 7th grade, turned to me and said “you should paint your face”. My initial reaction was no way since Dinora and Ruth were there and I felt I might get in trouble. But then she said it again and I couldn’t resist. I lifted my hand and placed it on my face and let out a scream. The girls and women went crazy. They couldn’t believe I actually did it. I turned to Dinora and said “te toca” (it’s your turn). She slowly backed away so I quick grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her closer to me. I felt my heart flutter as I raised my hand and the thought that she might be mad passed through my head but it passed quickly as I lovingly placed my green and red hand to her face. She doubled over in laughter and was just as shocked as I was that I actually did it.

Hands passed from face to face as bright colors filled the faces of every person in the room. It was a moment of pure love and joy that I will never forget. I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend so much time in Las Delicias. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would fall in love with so many beautiful women and children in a small canton in El Salvador.

We had our final day of praxis yesterday and it was a good but hard day. When we arrived they had decorated the library with bright streamers and balloons. We made pupusas with the 3 women who I have become closet with and had a wonderful morning joking around. We shared a final lunch and I remember looking around at each women who had dedicated so much time to my experience and I know I will never be able to thank them enough.

Kids and families started arriving around 1:30 for the despedida (the going away party). We all sat in a circle and played a few games. Then Cristina said some nice things about us and we responded with our own words of thanks. The 3 women, Dinora, Ruth and Isabel whom I have come to love, each spoke about our time with them and what it means for them to have us leaving. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and brought tears streaming down my face as I felt my heart aching, never wanting to leave them.

The party continued with cake and a piñata. The party calmed down as people began leaving and we were presented with amazing gifts and cards. We hung out a while more and I started dishes with Ruth, Dinora and Katherine when we were told the bus had arrived for us to leave. I resisted as long as I could be eventually we had to walk to the front where the bus was waiting. My whole body was telling me to stop walking but that one logical part of my brain made me put one foot in front of the other. I started hugging and saying good-bye and felt my heart breaking. It hurt so much to feel like I was abandoning my new family. Everyone was crying as I had to pull myself away to get on the bus. I remember turning around at the last second and see them standing in a group with tears falling from each face and my heart broke again. All of them will be coming to the final despedida on Sunday so I can’t even imagine how difficult that day will be.

The people of Las Delicias have changed me forever. They have filled my heart more full than I thought it could be. The end is so painful but I guess that means we have loved each other fully. I will never forget these incredible people and they will always have a special place in my heart.

It has been some time since I have had a chance to update. Things have been pretty busy and are getting crazy as I only have 2 weeks left in El Salvador.

Lately Las Delicias has been amazing. As we only have two days left in Las Delicias, everyone is pouring everything into every day and making our time here so incredible. A few weeks ago we went to praxis and Dinora told us how she has never felt closer to a group than us. She proceeded to explain how she had a dream with us in it, which she said has never happened. We talk every day about how we are going to miss each other and how she is so sad to think of us leaving. Dinora has become such an important person in my life and feels like a new family member.

I cannot quite explain what has been so wonderful in Las Delicias, but each day has been filled with so much love and joy. I can’t imagine not being apart of the community, as I feel completely immersed. The thought of leaving scares me and I think it will be one of the hardest things to do. But for now I am trying to be fully present in every moment and give everything I can to continue to deepen my relationships here.

My dad came last week for Thanksgiving and just left yesterday. He was able to be in Las Delicias and better understand my life here. We took some great bus adventures and saw a lot of the city (not on purpose). I am so thankful he was able to come but even more I am so thankful my dad is who he is. He just mixed right in and his “manera de ser” (his way of being) is just incredible. Especially after seeing other familial interaction with students here, I realized how lucky I am to have a father like him. Unfortunately my mom was not able to make it back. I so wished she could have been here especially as she is so important to me. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful family and they are the biggest thing I look forward to when I think of leaving my life here. I know it will be hard to leave but with such a wonderful family it will be so much easier.

Here are some recent pictures from Las Delicias. I have been giving my camera to the kids lately and they have been taken some incredible pictures. Many of these are their pictures that I am excited to share with you.

Me with Dinora's granddaughter of 2 months

UCA Vigil

Last weekend we celebrated the lives of the Jesuits who were brutally murdered during the civil war. There were festivities starting at 8 in the morning on Saturday and finished on Sunday at 2 in the morning. It was quite an incredible experience.

While I was in Las Flores for campo week, I spent quite a bit of time with Chata. She is 21 years old and studying tourism in the town near her home. Part of the vigil includes a soccer tournament and she is a very good soccer player so she came down to play. It was great because she came on Friday and spent the night so I got to spend a lot of time with her.

On Saturday morning the soccer tournament started. We had enough women playing that we formed 2 teams just from our community. Unfortunately there were only 5 women teams in the tournament so we didn’t get to play as much as I would have like to but it was still fun. My team won our first game in penalty kicks (many games ended this way as the games were only 15 minutes long). Since there were only 5 teams, our team had a bye that put us into the championship game. It was great because our second team also made it into the championship! It was one of the most fun games of soccer I have played. Luckily my team won and took home the first place trophy.

While we were playing soccer, other people in our community were making alfombras (rugs). They are essentially pictures made out of salt that were put in the road on the University campus. There were about 20 different ones from many groups of people. The idea is you spend all day making this beautiful creation that represents something more, such as justice or solidarity. Then later in the evening there is a procession of people and you walk over them, running the pictures together.

A big part of the vigil is the procession that takes place in the evening. There are thousands of people who gather to remember the martyrs but the gathering also represents the continuing fight for justice and human rights. Everyone takes a candle and we process throughout the campus and a bit of the surrounding community. The procession ends in a large parking lot where mass is held by the UCA rector. The UCA rector is a Jesuit who has a relationship with our community so he has said mass for just our community before. Because of this the mass felt more powerful as I felt a connection to him.

His homily was anything from a safe typical homily. He named many of the social problems present in Salvadoran society. He was not afraid to call out politicians and the government, as they have not been trying to fix the situation in fact they have been making it worse. It seemed people really took to his words as there were clapping and cheering at points in his homily. Personally I found his homily to be extremely powerful. He began with the problems and did not hold back. It was overwhelming at first to just hear all the things that need work, I just felt helpless and powerless to the problems. As he continued to talk, he pointed to examples of hope and to people who have been instrumental in creating change. It was inspiring to hear about the people who are continuing to create change and to see so many other people dedicated to social change. I remember feeling energized to work that much harder and to dedicate my life to improve our world.

The night continued with music and dancing. The Salvadoran student who lives with me, Tomás, is an incredible musician. He started off the night and then also preformed with one of his groups, Trova. I will try and post a video but I am not sure that it will work.

Unfortunately as the dancing got started I had to say good-bye again to Chata and her sisters, Leidi and Chicki (who had come down later in the day). It turned out to be a lot more difficult than I was expecting. I felt so close to Chata, especially as I had spent the last day and a half with her, and I just did not want our time together to end. As I was saying good-bye to Leidi, she took her ring off her finger and placed it onto mine. I could feel my heart fill up with love and pain. It was such a beautiful moment with her and I will never forget it. I remember standing on the sidewalk, waving as the bus took my friends back home. A few tears rolled down my cheek knowing I may not see them again but also tears of joy for the time I was able to spend with them.

It is just the beginning of the good-bye process as I only have a month left in El Salvador. I am so scared to say good-bye to the people I have come to love. But I have learned so much from them and I know I need to continue the love they have given me. So for now I will enjoy ever moment I have left.

Our alfombra

Tomás' concert

Tomás

Leidi and I

Chata, Katherine and I before saying good-bye

Last weekend

Finally last weekend was a weekend filled with fun and laughter. It was extremely busy but really great.

On Saturday we had a soccer tournament with the scholarship students from our sister program. We played 20 minute games of 4 v 4. The concrete field was smashed between a giant building and two neighborhoods. My team made it to the championship game after playing two games and boy were we exhausted. The sun was beating down with no relief while we played. But in the championship game no one scored after twenty minutes of play so we ended in a shoot-out. Luckily the other team missed two shots so we won the tournament. We were presented with metals and dubbed champions. It was great to feel my competitive nature come back and play some intense soccer. We have another tournament this weekend but at the University and against other teams.

Saturday evening we had a celebration for a student who graduated last month. I stayed with her family during campo week and they all came to the party for her. It was so wonderful to see them again and catch up. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed my time with their family until I saw them again. The party was fantastic with affirmations for Susi, the graduate, eating and of course dancing.

After the party some scholarship students and I went to the plaza because there was a music festival going on. They had set up three stages and the streets were filled with people. We had a great time dancing and just hanging out. One of the bands played music but also had a dialogue in between songs. The women were dressed in skin tight clothing and many comments were made regarding their bodies. There was also a black man who was constantly made fun of and many racial slurs were said while he was on stage. It seemed quite striking after spending so much time talking about justice and equality. But it was a good time and it was great to let loose after so many weeks of stress.

On Sunday we visited the home of Rigo (a student who lives in my house). He lives in a beautiful, mountainous area of El Salvador. We rode in pickups through the winding roads of the mountains with breathtaking views around ever curve. Rigo has 3 brothers who all look identical but at different stages of their lives. I have never seen a family look so much like one another.

After spending a little more time in his home we all went to a coffee processing plant where Rigo and his brothers have worked. We have learned quite a bit about picking coffee but never about the process after. It was incredible to see how much work goes into processing coffee. There are so many intricate steps that make a cup of coffee so much more valuable than I would have thought. We were able to walk all over the plant and do and see things that would never be permitted in the United States. For example we climbed up and had to step over a moving blade. We were just able to see so much of the process and just understand what happens after the beans get pick. It was truly an amazing experience.

It was great to have a weekend of fun as the last few weeks have been quite stressful. Unfortunately with so much going on, I have become quite exhausted. I am far behind on my homework and my sleep and it is hard to catch up with so much going on. But I know things will slow down again and I will figure out how to get caught up in both.

I wanted to write a post to express and remind myself of the joy and happiness I am experiencing here. It is easy to get caught up in the sad and hard things. But I will give an update on Las Delicias soon. They are doing pretty well but please continue to keep them in your thoughts and prayers as there is still more work to be done.

Thank you for reading! I appreciate all the support everyone has given me during these few months I have spend here.

The Aftermath

First of all I just want to thank everyone. Your donations, thoughts and prayers have been much appreciated.

I was finally able to make it back to Las Delicias on Sunday. We brought a ton of food that was bought with your donations, 50 pounds of rice, 50 pounds of beans, oil, salt, sugar, eggs and water (the most basic Salvadoran diet). The food was definitely needed, so thank you.

There was a bunch of people at the library when we arrived. A group of women came down from the church and other women from the community joined in to help make tamales. They made 750 tamales, which ended up feeding a ton of people from the community on Sunday and we had so many that we were able to bring more on Monday to the men who were working on moving mud.

On Monday we visited a lot of the lower communities that have been the most affected. We brought tamales and water to men who were working to clear mud from their homes and the roads. Some homes had had chest deep water that has turned into mud. One home had a solid three feet of mud that entrapped most of their possessions.

We went to another area of the community and found two men trying to clear their home. There was three feet of mud covering their patio area and spilling into many of the rooms. They had been working on clearing it out for 5 days but it seemed like they had just started. They were also still living in the home. They would walk to a raised room in their boots through the thick mud and get into their bed that still has not dried from the rain. The man told us they were drinking the water even though he knows its dirty, they do not have any other options. Right next to their home a lake has formed from the rains and the road is completely filled with mud. So if it is to rain again (there is still a month or so of the rainy season), their house will be flooded and fill with mud all over again.

Just across the road from these men lives another family. We squished through the mud to get to their home. As we entered it was clear that their house was damp and still had mud but they were living in it. We were told to enter a room were an older woman was laying in make shift bed. The first thing I saw was her foot elevated on a pillow and extremely swollen from an infection. I almost turned around right away but I clearly had to stay as the woman we were with (Cristina) talked to the woman with the infection. Her foot was swollen and was covered in sores. I later found out that she must have had a small cut in her foot and the mud got trapped in it as she had been walking through the mud barefoot.

This is starting to become a concern and will only continue to be a problem since most people have to walk through the mud with no shoes. It is just a matter of time until it becomes a nation wide problem. There is no clean drinking water so epidemics have begun. The people do not realize how sick the mud can make them so they are living in their homes when they should not be inhabited yet.

I spent Sunday through Wednesday in Las Delicias and stayed with Cristina who is the head of the organization working in the community. It was a difficult few days trying to understand the reality of the situation. Especially talking with people who are still living in the library. One woman told me that she thought we abandoned them, which is hard to hear as I care for them so much. In a lot of ways the situation is quite daunting as there is a TON of work and the work is slow and difficult. The amazing thing is how the community has been supporting one another. People staying in the upper shelter want to make food for the people in the lower community and help them even though they are also in need. The youth have been helping distribute food and accompanying the people in the library. People are doing whatever they can to help the other people in the community. It gives me so much hope that things will get better quickly.

I have a few more days of vacation and I am going to re-charge so I can be ready for the difficult weeks to come. Thank you again for all your support. (More pictures to come).

Help for El Salvador

Dear Friends and Family,

As many of you know, I have been living in El Salvador since August through a program called La Casa de la Solidaridad (The house of Solidarity). I have been a part of a community called Las Delicias experiencing the harsh and beautiful realities of the country.

The rain keeps falling. The tears do, too. For more than a week now, there hasn’t been a dry moment. Every day we are told that the rain will stop tomorrow but tomorrow never comes.

But you may think, well its just rain, what could rain do? In El Salvador (as of October 20) 38 people have died, 32,243 people have been evacuated from their homes and are living in shelters where there are limited resources.

More than 4 feet of rain has accumulated in the past week. President Funes has declared a State of Calamity throughout the country, higher than a state of emergency. It is being called a natural disaster but it is not natural when only the poor are losing their homes and lives.

In my community of Las Delicias, 1 young woman has died, 60 families are living in a church and many more are losing their homes as I write this letter. They are soaked to the bone and extremely cold which has been worse since a cold front is moving into the area. The roads are not passable or have been completely destroyed. The lower road had 3 feet of mud on top of the road and the military was brought in to clear it out but since it was cleared, there has been more rain.

A family I have come to know and love has two small children named Carla and Marcos. Their father was killed a few years ago and before the rains, they were struggling to fill their stomachs. Their mom had a small garden providing for them but now their garden is destroyed. They have no food and are staying in a shelter, as they are afraid their house will collapse. They do not have warm or dry clothes but somehow they still have hope that everything will be okay.

My community of Las Delicias right now desperately needs food, water and warm clothing immediately so they can make it through the crisis. Long term they will need help rebuilding their homes and community. I am asking you, as my friends and family, to help my friends and family in El Salvador. There are many ways you can help:

1. To donate directly to Las Delicias, the money will have to come through me. I will be able to keep track of the money for Las Delicias and use it as to best help the community since we have to take the situation day by day. This can be done by sending money to my parents, and they will deposit it into my bank account. Alternatively, you could send it directly to US bank (either my parents or myself can provide the account number).
2. You could give directly to an organization called Voices on the Border, http://www.votb.org/ They are a local organization that is helping with immediate relief but will continue helping with reconstruction.

Please keep my friends, the people of El Salvador and Central America in your thoughts and prayers. If you would like more information on the general situation the local newspapers are La Prensa Grafica (www.laprensagrafica.com), El Diario de Hoy (www.elsalvador.com) and Co-Latino (www.diariocolatino.com). Please let me know if you have further questions about donating or the situation here.

Thank you for your time and solidarity.
With love.

Puchica (POO-chi-ca)

It has been a long time since updating friends and family at home and I want to say I have been thinking about how to write this. The words took a long time to come. But I also want to give you an update on our country. There is a storm raging through Central America right now and it has been raining here since Tuesday. When I say that I really mean it has been raining almost 24/7 since Tuesday and not lightly but fuerte (strong). A national emergency was declared this weekend so the government can start using funds to help people. But it has wreaked havoc all over the country, houses have been destroyed and people are dying. Roads are impassible, others have rivers running through their homes and rivers are overflowing forcing people from their homes and neighborhoods. It is also causing people to get sick since the air is constantly damp which could be really devastating since clinics/hospitals are far from most communities. It is raining as I write this and I honestly do not know when it will stop. So please keep the Salvadorans and the other people of Central America in your thoughts and prayers because at this point, all we can do is pray for it to stop raining.

I have been back in the San Salvador area for just under two weeks now. Two weeks ago I was in the northern part of El Salvador in a town called San José Las Flores in the department of Chalatenango. It has been a big challenge trying to process the week and return to the same thing when I feel so different. I am also not sure what to tell everyone back home so we will see how this goes.

I stayed the week with another girl from my program in the home of a woman named Rosa. We have a sister program for Salvadoran scholarship students and Rosa’s daughter, Susi, is in the program so that is why I stayed with them. People seemed to be in and out all week for various reasons so I will try and explain it the best I can. But I have found here that the definition of family goes way beyond the nuclear family and even the extended family.

Rosa has two daughters who live with her and both are studying in the capital. Susi is just finishing her program and will graduate at the end of the month. She frequently goes home on the weekends even though it can be between a 3 and 4 hour bus ride. Susi is an incredible person with an amazing perspective on life and she seems to give a lot of hope and inspiration to her family.

Magdalena is Rosa’s other daughter who is studying agronomy at the National University in the capital. She has been living in another town during the week and commuting 2 hours to school because she has a beautiful one-year-old daughter. So she commuted the 2 hours so she could see her daughter in the morning and evening and continue studying. Her daughter is extremely intelligent for a one-year-old. She can identify many things, can mostly tell you what she wants, not just walk but run, play the recorder and identify parts of her body. It was so fun to have her around most of the week. She brought a new sense of life to the home and Rosa always lit up when her granddaughter was around. I also was able to meet the baby’s father, Mario, who was a great guy. He loved his daughter so much and told me that he just wants her to be a strong woman. To hear that from a man after experiencing so much machismo was quite inspiring and a clear sign that things are changing.

Doris was also with me all week. And she is a beautiful girl who is in eighth grade. All of her immediate family has left for the United States so she has been living with her aunt Rosa since she was 3. We were able to connect, play games, listen to her music and just hang out. She wants to go to the university and stay in El Salvador, which is pretty incredible since all of her immediate family has left. I think she really looks up to her cousin Susi and wants to be like her.

So there were two other groups of women from our program in the community, which was an amazing experience because most of the nights everyone in our community would meet at one of the 3 houses. It would be the same group of strong women and we would hear their stories and get to just understand their lives. It was very empowering and made me so proud to be a woman.

At one of the other homes lived Leidi (pronounced Lady). She touched my heart in a way I have not experienced. So she did not have much of an opportunity to go to school and I think it is because she has a learning disability. From a young age she had to work in the home cooking and cleaning for everyone. Now at the age of 18 she is still cooking and cleaning every day. She spends most of her free time watching telenovelas (soap operas) and has no friends apart from her couple sisters. I was able to get somewhat close to her and just hang out. We became friends for the week and it was a lot of fun being around her. The second to last day she was pretty upset and finally told me that she was sad that we were leaving. And that just broke my heart. Here I had come for a week, became her friend and now had to leave just as fast.

Coming back I was extremely upset. I felt horrible returning to my group of 30 friends when she was left with nothing. I was not sure how to process this. I didn’t think it was fair to her and to be honest I am still not sure how to feel about it. But I guess the only thing I can do is remember the beauty of the week. Not that I should forget the sorrow and pain I experienced but that part should not weigh me down. The duality of pain and love is apart of every day life here in El Salvador. The big question is how do I balance both parts? I don’t think I will find an answer but I know I have to hold tighter to those moments of beauty and remember them during the times of pain.

Unfortunately on Monday night of the week I got really sick. I was just starting to get adjusted and then thrown totally out of whack. I had gut wrenching pain and I can’t remember ever being that sick. It was nearly impossible to be present with the family let alone speak Spanish so it really took away from my time with them. I was sick until the day before we left and finally felt like I could be present with them and then we had to leave. I remember the bus ride back to the city and felt like someone was totally messing with my mind. I had gotten comfortable in my life in the city and then we were thrown into a completely new situation where I was so uncomfortable. But then once I felt like I should be there, I was forced to return to my old life and try and just pick up where I left off.

I titled this entry, puchica. This is a very Salvadoran word and I think embodies a lot of my week in Las Flores. Puchia can be used in a lot of situations but it means something to the effect of “oh, snap” or “god dang it” or “shoot”. But I guess the connotations signifies the weight of the situation and can be used to express the hardness. It is somewhat difficult to explain entirely but I think it is the great word for the week. I was sick, heard painful war stories, made friends and left them – puchica.

I just got back from a silent retreat which was amazing and hopefully I will get something written about that experience soon. Thanks for reading! (Pictures to come).

Mi mamá

This week I had the privilege of having my mom visit me in El Salvador!! She was in the highlands of Guatemala this past week working in a clinic. It was amazing to hear about her experience and learn about all the differences between Guatemala and El Salvador. I am just so proud that she decided to undertake such a difficult experience alone. And I learned more about my mom when she was young and realized how much we have in common.

She bravely took a Greyhound type bus from Guatemala city to San Salvador alone. I was so nervous for her to arrive just because so many things could have gone wrong. But on Wednesday, when she arrived, I had some communication issues (Spanish on the phone is rather difficult) with the taxi driver and so we left my house really late. Then we hit some bad traffic and I just kept hoping she was not waiting outside in the dark for me. We pulled up to the bus station and I just out, opened the door to find the room completely empty. I felt my heart speed up and sweat forming on my fingers. I ran around asking people in the area if they had seen a gringa that looked like me and no one had.

So the taxi driver, Salvador, said there was another station in the downtown area that she was most likely at. We drove across town in horrible traffic and at this point I was freaking out. I didn't know if the area was safe or if she was freaking out. And I was thinking the worse, that if she was not there that I would have no way of knowing where she was. So I was freaking out but trying to keep my cool with Salvador. As we got closer the area kept getting worse and Salvador kept saying how dangerous the area was so of course I was just getting more worried. As I walked into the station I saw my mom talking with someone so I just yelled her name, gave her a huge hug and just cried tears of relief and joy to see her.

It was a pretty surreal experience at first to have her experiencing my life in El Salvador. At the same time it solidified that this is my life and really happening. Luckily we were able to visit Las Delicias on Thursday morning. Most of the women I am with everyday were there. Denora's daughter had a baby on Monday and she was going on Thursday to pick her up but she heard my mom was coming so delayed picking her up for two hours so she could meet her. It was so special to share that with my mom and also to have the women to meet my mom.

We had a little time to just chat and share stories. It was a short visit but definitely worth the time! It was just amazing to share this with her. Luckily she made it safely back to Guatemala and will be relaxing for a few days in Antigua.

Tomorrow morning we leave for the campo (or the countryside) for a week. We will be staying with a partner at a family's home and I will be staying in a pueblo called Las Flores. I am excited but pretty nervous, so wish me luck!

Here are some photos from the visit: